pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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