Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Floor bacon is actually really good
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
