This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
