Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
