Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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