So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
