Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
