That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
