My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
