I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
