i need an iv and a liver transplant
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i've created a new STD.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
