I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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