I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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