so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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