My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
