I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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