i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
