She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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