"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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