Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
