dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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