cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my sisters under your porch take her home
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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