Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
