Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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