I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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