My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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