why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
