You smell like stripper and shame
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
