You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
