a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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