i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you had me at cake vodka
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
