Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
