i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
