The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
