it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
