Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
