It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I deserve this hangover.
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