he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
