you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
