I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
