Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
