After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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