you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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