Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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