I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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