afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
