Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
