i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So much Jack, so little girl.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
