I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
