Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
