omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
